I was among the 6 top scorers in 10th std. from my section scoring the same after the whole year of rigourous study. There were 7 sections combining first shift and second shift in our school and each class having about same amount of it’s top scorer. My school had about 100 something branch widespread in different regions of the country. Lakhs of other schools were also out there with their toppers. Yup I was quite good in maths and if I go on to calculate the no. of toppers I might loose my passing certificate. So you see how hard I was preparing the whole year just to be the “part” of this crowd of competitors.
I was quite overwhelmed with such welcoming response for my result. Everyone in my family, in my neighbourhood and my relatives started taking me so seriously although I was totally confused. They felt so sure of my bright carrier that I couldn’t even tell them about all that calculation I did and the uncertainty I was facing. But I felt lost and my scorecard started falling badly, everyone tried counselling me about how should I study and how my life will change after clearing that XYZ exam. At that point of time I was convinced that to clear my confusion first of all I need to get out of this trap (the trap of unwanted counselling). I am not debating against counselors, I am just saying that we should be clear enough to chose whose counseling is going to nourish us in the subject we are meant to pursue for life.
I took a year drop after my 12th just to understand what I really wanted from my life, but that was a big mistake I ever did because that made my counselors to start working on me from a different ground. Every day every minute of my year I was motivated to go for that exam and I started preparing for it with a lot of unclear doubts in my mind. And I failed, I felt bad but till then I built the spirit of preparing for the next year. This habit made me a successive failure for 3 years. I felt devastated, I felt depressed. The girl who used to be famous in her society for being the topper was now feeling existential crisis.
I tried, I failed, I tried again, I failed again and a point came in my life where I lost almost all my counselors just because they were not getting the result. Many of them lost faith in me and it showed me the people who really cares. I could now prioritize my list of important persons in my life. I realized that whole this routine was making me strong for the real fight in my life. I finally understood in all this procedure what I was meant to do. I am not lost now and not even scared of losing again. But this time I am going to give the toughest competition I am meant for. I am on track once again to win my game, to prove the winner in me.